what is it that I am trying to say?

In the back of my mind I am struggling for a definition of a directional change that is rumbling around in the far recesses of my menopausal chemo imprinted brain. It has to do with the melding of my far past, the sepia toned photos of long dead ancestors that hold a special magnetism for me and the memories of learning smocking and embroidery from my great grandmother in a room that smelled of tea and lavender with a desire to learn new techniques particularly dyeing, nature dyeing....I am leaning towards textiles rich in the muted natural colours and thick with texture, french knots, bullions, smocking......its all just below the surface, like waiting for water to come to a boil.....like looking at a picture through layers and layers of cheesecloth.......I recognize my process and it wont be long before I know what it is I am trying to say.